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Rhetorical Analysis essay

Rhetorical analysis scored 3/6 — with fixes

Score: 3/6

Prompt (paraphrased): Read the following passage, a commencement address to graduating nurses. Analyze the rhetorical choices the speaker makes to achieve her purpose.

The essay

In her commencement speech, Dr. Elena Ruiz uses many rhetorical devices to get her message across to the graduating nurses. She uses ethos, pathos, and a personal story. These devices help her connect with the audience and make her speech effective.

First, Ruiz uses ethos. She talks about when she was twenty-two and says she was wrong about most things. This builds her credibility because she is a doctor and has experience. The audience can tell she knows what she is talking about, which is an example of ethos.

Next, Ruiz uses pathos. She tells a story about a patient and a hard night at the hospital. This story makes the audience feel emotional. She describes the monitor and the family in the hallway. This is pathos because it makes you feel something.

Finally, Ruiz uses a personal story to connect with the graduates. She switches from saying 'I' to saying 'we' at the end. This shows that she is part of their group now. Her speech is effective because she uses all of these devices to reach her audience.

How it scores, row by row

Row A — Thesis

1/1

There is a thesis, and it does respond to the prompt, so it earns the point — but 'uses many rhetorical devices' is the weakest kind of thesis: it names categories instead of an interpretation of the speaker's purpose.

Row B — Evidence & Commentary

2/4

The essay points to real moments in the text (the quote about being twenty-two, the hospital story, the pronoun shift), which is why it clears a 2. It stalls there because the commentary labels devices ('this is pathos because it makes you feel something') without analyzing the effect. Naming anaphora or pathos earns nothing on its own.

Row C — Sophistication

0/1

No sophistication point. The essay treats the three choices as a checklist, never connects them to one purpose, and the writing stays at the level of 'her speech is effective.'

The takeaway

The fix is to stop labeling and start explaining: not 'this is pathos,' but why living through that one night makes the graduates accept that fear is normal. Replace the device checklist with a thesis about what Ruiz is actually trying to do.

Want this on your own writing? Paste a draft into the AP Lang essay grader for a score on every rubric row, review how the points are awarded on the AP Lang rubric, or read the guide to the rhetorical analysis essay.

This is an original sample written for rubricfy to illustrate each score band, not an official College Board essay. rubricfy is not affiliated with or endorsed by the College Board.

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